Absurdity

We live in  a strange world.

How often do we stop to question not only what's going on around us, but our entire reality? With all the distractions out there, we tend to just accept everything as soon as it's presented to us. Our scepticism is to a large part based on trying to figure out whether something is good or bad, not whether it exists or not.

We are becoming an increasingly passive generation. More self-centered. Most of us have seen so much stupidity that when we hear something new that reeks of idiocy and is going on, we immediately think that it's fact, without really caring one way or the other. Then again, as soon as someone says "No, it's fake", we tend to believe them as well. I'm not speaking for all of us, nor nececcarily for myself either. But based on my observations, this is true for many people.
In the current day with the current media, people tend to be more and more drawn towards escapism.

I don't really have a stance on whether that is good or not. Because I have other more important, and or entertaining things to focus on. The irony hurts.

We go to school, move in our social circles, do our jobs, and eventually return home, back to our books, our games, our computers, or perhaps our phones. What the approach is doesn't really matter too much in the end. Only on an individual basis.

I'm not saying that all our attention lies in another world, but it sure seems to own a lot of our focus. We are so divided between different tasks and wishes that we totally miss out on what is going on around us. I know that this at least is true for me, in most cases. There's always something going on; some distraction or something I feel the need or want to do.
So I seldom just take a break and think about how weird everything actually is.
But when I do, it really hits me. What the fuck is going on? Really.

I was walking home from my granparents' the other day. Yes. Walking, alone. That's the easiest way to get our (or at least my) thoughts going. And even while walking, many of the times I find myself thinking of not much else than my destination, my plans for the day, or memories. There's nothing wrong with that; it's just something to do while walking. I guess it's naught but natural to focus on ourselves or those around us.

Anyway. As I said, I was walking home. Maybe it was the weather, or maybe it was something else, but for some reason, all my attention was shifted to my surroundings. I saw everything, felt everything, heard everything. The trees, the wind, all the buildings, the people, the smells, the cars. Everything. I walked past a few windows, saw people sitting by their desks, doing work, or perhaps thinking about something completely different. What were they going to eat today? How much money would they be making by the end of the month?
Everyone outside was going somewhere, and people didn't really exchange much else than a few glances, if even that with each other.
There's nothing inherrently weird about this. But I continued thinking.

Although it's very distant to most of us, there are a lot of seemingly normal things going on elsewhere in the world. People are hungry; they're having wars; they try to find solutions for diseases; they worry about global warming; they think that homosexuality is unnatural; they think homosexuality is completely natural; They go to the gym; they worry about their looks; they are depressed; they are having the time of their life; they make love; they make hate. Imagine if for just a few seconds, everyone would stop to think about what the fuck they're actually doing.
It probably wouldn't change much. But for those few seconds, we would have peace and calm.
But what is peace, what is war? Why do they exist to begin with, along with everything else?

Doesn't anyone find it absurd that for eternities ago, humans didn't even exist. But for some reason, nature decided that the most logical thing for the living beings was to develop two different sexes, along with their private parts. And God (despite his inability to actually exist as anything else than a concept) knows that it's perfectly sense making that all the dna which is the code for pretty much all living things should be transmitted though a penis, in the form of semen, into eggcells, which would during a certain time develop into a new creature, which in turn will or will not eventually grow up to be circumcised if for example, Jewish, grow up to praise the holiness of cows if born Hindu, or perhaps won't care either way, but wants to become a great writer. Meanwhile, there are billions and billions of lightyears of space surrounding us, minding it's own business. So large that we can't even begin to comprehend it's size. Still, more than half of us believe that in that vast universe, there is a God who rules over all and everything, infinitely bigger and more significant than us. But remember, he really cares about what an individual human does in the privacy of his/her bedroom. I could rant more about this, but it's far beyond the point.
Only in our universe does all this seemingly totally make sense. And still, as expected, people find the need to judge other people, ourselves, and any disagreement may or may not lead to violence. Because we are bound by our primal limitations. We may overcome them for a while, in certain areas. But in the end, despite being this intelligent, we have no idea what the hell we are doing, nor for what reason.
Don't get me wrong. I am a strong believer in science, secularism, I am an atheist, and I have no more illusions about what is real and what is not than your everyday person.
I just think that all people, including me, should pay some mind to all the absurdity in the world.

I have a proposition for you. There is no real loss or gain, but I urge you to do this, because why not?
The next time you find yourself outside, just walking around. Perhaps going somewhere, maybe in a hurry; it matters not. Take one minute, and pick up something that is in your immediate surroundings. It may be a rock, a leaf, or something made by humans. Preferrably, something that is not too dirty and contains a disease that will eradicate society as a whole.

Take that minute to look closely at what you've picked up. Study it; hold it close to your face, then far from it, or vice versa. Really try to take in the details. While doing this, just think about how weird everything really is; give the absurdity some credit. Don't think about your worries, just lose yourself to the moment. Until it gets boring. Because eventually, it will. But stopping in your path every now and then, doing something like this, is great therapy.
To some of you this may just seem like plain stupidity, and you have the right to hold that opinion. On the other hand, I'm sure that many of you do things like this regularly without me telling you to, especially if you're artists, or generally very curious about/ observant of the mad world around you.
It can be nice to take a break from your self-centered (which is entirely different from selfish, in case you failed to notice the difference) reality.

That is all. I'm tempted to make a segway into the equally weird reality of dreams once again, but I'm sure that none of you have any interest in reading about that right now, considering you're probably very busy studying rocks and leaves.
I will surely write more about dreams in the future though, so be prepared!













In terms of music, I have composed some, and I'm working on a few projects. Most noteworthy is probably this piece though, so if you want to, please take a listen!


I hope I didn't bore you to sleep with my eyeopening ramblings.
See you next time.

Yes...

Time...

Cruising Towards Death

Death. An enemy when healthy and happy; a friend when sad and in pain.

Reminds me of a riddle I encountered recently:

"What kills the bad ones and the sad ones, tightens to fit so one size fits all?"


Answer (the text is the same color as the background):

A noose...


I have thought of many subjects to write about on this blog, but I always seem to forget them when I'm actually here, writing. So I chose something simple, yet complicated. Death.
It awaits us all, sooner or later. Most people prefer later. As do I.
That said, some people prefer sooner despite having much to live for. That is, however, a subject for another night.


The thing about death, is that you experience it SO many times third and second hand, before you actually experience it first hand. A few people even experience medical death for a little while, but still survive. Some people become braindead far before they actually die. That's not really the entire meaning of death though. Death is not all about you not experiencing anything anymore. Sure, that's part of it. Not experiencing anything is a part of deep sleep too. Are you dead when you're experiencing dreamless sleep? No.

Death is a name for the impact you leave on others by going away. You're not really there to experience more than the very first effects of your death, after that... You're dead to the world.
It's the people that are left behind that will truly experience your death; notice the difference when you're gone.

Which death is the worst? When someone you know and love dies, or when you die yourself? I guess that can depend on the person. Still, when it comes to your own death, the fear of death is much worse than the death itself. Not constantly, of course. Only in the moments when you for some reason manage to convince yourself that you might die soon.
I don't say this based on my own experience. I've taken several risks that could've lead my death, but luckily haven't. I have yet to experience the fear of my own death, as it's such a distant feeling. Probably because it's so unrealistic, unless I get some weird disease.
No, what I mean is... Some people who actually stand a chance of dying in the near future can become so terrified of the thought that they become incpable of doing much anything at all. Some cry, some stay silent.
That is, until acceptance strikes in. When the realization has struck and has had some time to cool down, people tend to become calmer. I'd much prefer to enter my eventual death, content and without regrets, than live 10 years longer and be paralyzed by fear and disarray when it's actually happening. Well, it depends on the context of course. Point being, I'd rather die with peace in heart.

But as I said. My own death doesn't worry me that much at the moment. The thing is this.
All of my grandparents are still alive, for which I am incredibly grateful, and I tend to spend a lot of time with them too. Problem is, they aren't getting younger, nor healthier. Who knows, maybe they'll keep on living for quite a while still! But eventually, one of them will - so to say - leave. And after a while, another will too, and so on. It's quite the depressing thought, but it's the harsh truth.
I honestly don't know how I will handle it when concept becomes reality. While I was very young, my grandparent's parents passed away. At the time I was so young that I couldn't have possibly understood death the way I do now, and I still didn't take it well.  Now I'm slightly older, and dare I say somewhat wiser as well. There are still lessons for me to learn regarding death, but let's just say that if I could pay not to go to those specific classes, I'd pay quite a lot.

Even worse to think about is the eventual death of one's parents. Luckily, there's probably more than double that of my current lifetime still until any of them passes away. But what if an accident would happen? I'd loose my sight on life and become blind. I am far from independent at the moment, but that would be the least of my worries. I have no idea what I would do if any such thing would happen, so I guess I do what most people do, and try not to worry about such distinct possibilities. Still, the possibilities do exist.

Either way, it's not a fun thing (except in comedy, where it can indeed fun).
I love humor. It's a force that makes the best out of the worst of things, what could be better than that?


I could expand upon the subject of death by lots and lots (as I'm sure you could figure out by reading some of my older posts), but I won't this night. I am back; I can feel it. But I need to warm up to writing longer texts about deeper subjects again.
For now, let us get a lighter tone going ;)





Some time ago, I was on a cruise. 3€/person for the cabin. Good times. I won't write much about that, as it'd probably be boring, but I thought I could share some pictures, as they probably tell just as much as my words could.

Disclaimer: that creepy smile was naturally only for comedic effect...

(P.S. For those of you with whom I enjoyed the cruise, I'd like to have a word: "yoghurt").

So yeah. As you can clearly see, the cruise was most enjoyable ;)




Oh, and here comes the usual self advertisement.
I've made a few small games in the past, one of which even won fourth place in a competition. Well, I just had a new idea which I think will be simple to pull off, and pretty enjoyable to play. I won't spoil what the game is going to be like, but I already created the background music for it. It's an ambient piece, which even features a few homemade samples, such as crystal glasses and our vacuum cleaner... Recorded with a laptop's microphone... Nonetheless, some magical music engineering, and the results were great!

I'd love it if you'd take a listen to the track here. Thanks!


Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but I added a "my latest upload" panel at the very top of my blog, so if you ever read my blog while not listening to anything, but would want to listen to something, there's always that option :p


I think this is all for now. Thanks for reading my random ramblings.


Hope to cya 'round :D


//LucidShadowDreamer

Procrastination is my Pro Nation

January of the year 2015. Ever since I got to know that I did not have to spend more than half a year in the army, I knew that this would be a time during which I would do next to nothing. That said, I don't think that even I expected this amount of laziness! I shouldn't be too surprised though, as I am after all, a Bon Viveur.

I've spent most of my days playing the piano, spending time on my computer, and watching movies. Of course, I've done some cool things with my friends as well. Example: This sunday we're going on a cruise!

One thing came up a couple of weeks ago though. I've decided not to really work during my free time (it wouldn't be free then would it?), at least not for quite a while. That said, there's a thing that happened. As most of you may know, I am a pianist. Well, turns out that the pianist of an orchestra (big band format) consisting of currently 28 people or so, had to stop playing for personal reasons. The conductor of the orchestra called my piano teacher asking if he knows anyone who could replace her. So, as he knew I had recently returned from the army and was currently doing nothing, he suggested me :/
Thus, I joined the "Groove Unit" (if I recall the name correctly). Luckily, I'm not the only pianist they have, as they actually managed to get another one to join too. Even more luckily, he's more skilled than me when it comes to reading sheet music, playing solos and such. This allows me to focus more on background stuff, and to not have to be all that worried about my errors (I'm really bad at reading music, and I'm too lazy to practice that much at home, as I have more than 10 projects of very different kinds I'm working on, or am planning to work on, myself). Still, I literally received more than 100 sheets of paper containing sheet music... Yay.
I decided to join the group for the reason that it's good practice in several ways; I get to play with other people, and I'm learning in areas I'm usually very lazy in!

Funny thing is, it turns out I actually know three of the people that are in the band. Some of you know them too ;)


Aaanywho.

I don't really begin my studies before September, if I recall correctly, so I've finally got time for all the projects I've been wanting to do, as I already mentioned!

Here are some things I want to accomplish before I beging studying:

1. Make piano compositions (I've already made a really good one since returning from the army, so this box is pretty much checked XD Check out the piece I made here, you might actually like it: Medley of a Shattered Mind).

2. Make music with Cubase (This box is checked already too! Here is the best song I've ever made using a DAW: The Last Dance. It's not perhaps the kind of music you'd expect me to make; apart from the beginning, it's very electronic. I'd appreciate it if you listened to it, as it's not that long either, and very different from my earlier works. Not only that, but there are actually more than 24 hours of active work put into it).

3. I want to make 1 or 2 new games! I'm just waiting for some sort of competition to start ;)

4. I am planning on playing some games with my sister, and even uploading videos of us doing so :p It's a little cliché, but we'll do it for the fun of it (not to forget the training when it comes to speaking English). We're just waiting 'til we buy a recording device, as well as a Playstation 4.

5. I'm intending on picking up writing in my book again, as it has been so long since I've last written. Funny thing is, I actually really want to write, but whenever I'm inpired, something else comes in the way :( (Mostly, what comes in the way is 6:00 am, at which point I decide it's best to go to sleep if I ever wish to wake up again).

6. I want to take a new shot at writing up my dreams, and acheiving more lucid ones, as there has been a break from that during the army. Sadly, it has mostly gone the other way thus far. That is, I've not had lucid dreams, but I've dreamt more than five dreams in which I'm back in the army. My body really rejects that entire way, so much that it makes a point of it in my dreams -_- That said, at least I've recovered a lot of my dream recollection skills. I've remembered at least a snippet of a dream (mostly much more), ever since I proceeded the writing in my dream journal. That is, ever since January the 6th.

7. I'm rewatching a lot of movies I've seen long ago. I've easily seen more than 1000 separate movies during my life, but I've forgotten huge portions of most of them by now. Thus, I'm trying to remember which movies I've liked, and choosing from among them. Naturally, I'm watching new movies too.

8. There are TONS of tv-series (including Animé), which I need to watch/rewatch/continue. Whoah.

9. Read. There are so much books I need to read. Once I finish reading the 5th book in "A Song of Ice and Fire", I'll probably begin with Zom-B.

10. Apart from making my own piano compositions, I want to learn things that others have made. I also need to practice my pitch hearing (as in recognizing notes and chords just by hearing them), along with a lot of music reading practice, which could even include orchestration and arrangement + production. Yeah...

11. I'd love it if I finally tried getting rid of my very minor lisp, as well as learned how to sing at least somewhat well.

12. It would be cool if I could improve my "horrible artistical skills" to "pretty awful artistical skills".

As soon as I pick this up properly, I intend to use the "Don't Break the Chain" method. Simply put, this means you make something, however big or small, every single day, without pause. Ever. It doesn't matter if you only draw a smiley face, as long as you just keep it going. Eventually, one will be sure to see some results.

Speaking of art... I saw a cool picture online and decided I'd try to mimic it. Here are the results:

It's just simple lines drawn on a hand, but it gives it an illusion of looking like the style used in certain comic books, as well as in "The Wolf Among Us".
I however, found another creative use for the lines too...

Well yeah...



And lastly:


13. I need to start writing some slightly more "deep" things in this blog again, as it has been a while since I've been doing that.

I guess I have some minor projects here and there too (like going through my rooms and cleaning them properly, as well as such other interesting endeavours, but that's for another time).


There are a few days of January left still though!
So I'll really make sure to enjoy that cruise ;)


That would surely be all for now!!!


P.S. It really sucks that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to have time with all the projects I just mentioned. I'll just have to pick certain parts from here and there and try to accomplish something at least. Now I'm sad D:



//LucidShadowDreamer

Aftermath

Oh my, could it be? Yet again, we're here at the end of another year. A very interesting year in many ways, I must say, especially since more than a third of it was spent away from home on my part. Now, I'm finally back, and I have a kickass vacation to look forward to! Actually, I've already enjoyed myself to quite an extent, by procrastinating more than I should (for example, by waiting almost two weeks before writing this entry), even with simple tasks. Oh procrastination, how I love you. I hope I'll never be forced to leave you again; you lazy, do nothing, wonderful you.

What am I back from? The horror that is far darker than hell, which is the Finnish army. Now, you may think that's an unfair comparison. Then again, I couldn't possibly hate a place I don't even believe in nearly as much as the place I've had to take part in, against any will of mine.
Actually, I'm not even interested in talking about the military in Finland anymore at all. I've grown pretty weary of talking about my time spent in the army; all that remains is to put the experience behind me, and get on with my real life. Now, I say real life, because I consider my civil life a completely different thing. Much more... How would you say? Civilized, if you will.

All that matters is that now I'm back in business. The recovery was not as slow as I expected, mostly due to all the stress revolving around Christmas. This brings me to my next subject, actually. Would you look at that segway. Maybe I ought to become a writer after all? I'm kidding of course... Let's go on...

Oh Christmas. This was probably one of the best ones I've experienced in my entire life, if not the best. Anyway. I was in quite a hurry to buy all the gifts this year, not to speak of wrapping them up (God that takes time...). Either way, I managed to get everything done in time, which was a relief.
All the celebrations were a blast (although I regretfully had to take on the role as Santa Claus this year. I was lucky and managed to fool the kids [my cousins] to such an extent that they didn't recognize me at all. One of them even began crying, which I take as a token of success. Yup).
I didn't wish for too many presents this year around, but the ones I wished for, I got. Or at least, I wish that is what I could say XD
I got my extremely expensive headphones and the rare original soundtrack for a game that I wanted. The third thing I wished for though, I sadly didn't receive. Who could've thought it'd be that difficult to get your hands on a decent pair of leather gloves?
Naturally, I'm joking again. I would never wish for leather gloves. OR WOULD I?
Why yes I did, but I'm not actually mad. I'm very grateful for the gifts I got; the greatest of them all simply being to get my life back.




Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnyyyyyyyhooooooooooooooooowww.anyhow.com/



As I said, Christmas was fun, but I'm not going to go into deeper detail. I just want to share with you a present which I prepared for a friend of mine. Behold:

Now, observe that picture. If you look closely, you'll notice the 10€ that are inside of the small plastic box which is filled with odd Christmas-y pearls. Now, on to the next step...

A honeydew, with the insides carved out, in the shape of a small plastic box wich could probably fit some Chrismass-y pearls and perhaps even a 10€ bill inside it. Mysterious... The adventure continues!

What's this? Straws that are cut into tiny pieces and forced into that honeylicious melon? Could it possibly have been done with the intent of reattaching the separated parts?

Why yes, yes it could have. And for those weak of eye or observation, there is written a mysterious text upon the honeydew, consisting of six letters, two words altogether. What on earth could "GOD JUL" mean? Nobody will ever know...

And there we have it, wrapped up in parchment paper and plastic bags, in order to prevent bugs, rot and smell. How nice.
This has been a tutorial on how to waste time and money on creating horribly ludicrous gifts for no real reason at all.

Walking around the city and leaving presents outside of my friends' doors late in the evening was pretty fun though. Especially that part including ringing on the doorbells and running away. Fun times, fun times...


Anyhow, what did you do this Christmas?

What's that? The five movies? Why of course they are all worthwhile watching! What kind of question is that even?


Apart from all the celebrating, slacking around and having dinners with relatives, I actually managed to get one thing done. I redid my Christmas piece and uploaded it onto Newgrounds (spoiler alert). I'm thinking about making this into an annual thing. Maybe next year, I'll have lyrics for the song!!!

Anywho... Here it is; Enjoy:


Christmas Memories







Now then. At this point you've already probably realized that I have not spell checked this entry. Nice.
Let's continue not doing that!!!



New year is coming up. In like one and a half day. Cool.
Usually, one would reflect at the year that has passed, and make some resolutions for the coming year or something.
I'm gonna give myself some free space though. I do NOT wish to look back at the later half of this year, and I don't want to make myself feel obligated to do something; afterall; I'm on vacation, long as it might be. Who knows, maybe I'll try getting some small job or something. But, as I said, no obligations.

I have a lot of personal projects I want to begin/continue working on, and I think I'll start with that. I want to write music, write in this blog, write on my book, make a game or two, watch a lot of animé, other series as well as movies, read, play the piano some more (maybe even improve my sheet music reading skills), spend time with friends and relatives, spend hours upon hours just mindlessly wandering through the internet, take up dreaming more, as well as play video games. A lot of stuff to do, and that's just some of it. Rest assured, I won't get bored, even without a  job. In fact, I'm certain a job would bore me more.

I actually had some interesting subjects in mind regarding this blog. However, let's leave that to the year that is to come, no?

I hope you've had a great year, a great Christmas, and I wish the next year will be even better.

So....





See ya'll bitches next year ;)


//LucidShadowDreamer, 2014 and OUT.

Preparing For War!

I'm finally at the point at where my service in the Finnish army is almost over. Alas, there is an "almost"...

There is one final trial before I am free, and that would be the Final War. It's like a stupid game they have... I can't go into detail, but let's just say that I have to endure the horror of spending about 10 cold, wet and sleepless nights in the woods...

This will probably be the worst time of my life (except for extreme headaches; there are few things worse... They don't last for 11 days though -_-).

After this camp, we'll not really do anything anymore, although there'll still be two weeks left. Today I've got 25 days left, which is of course 25 too many.

Oh well... I'd say that in some aspects, I'm quite well... Prepared.

Yeah....



I don't really have anything else to write about in this blog post. I'm sure the next entry will be much more optimistic, as it will be written in the holy civil life ;)


As for other news....
I've uploaded a few songs to Newgrounds since last time.
An example would be the composition/improvisation I made/played inspired by the music from Nolan's latest movie: Interstellar.



That's all for now though.

Now I'll continue feeling sorry for myself for a while before stepping on the bus and proceeding with the same activity...

If You Have Three Apples, and Take Away Two... How Many Do You Have Left?

So... Yet another waypoint has been reached.

Now I only have less than one third of my service in the Finnish military left. However, it is like to be the toughest time period of them all. A long march lies a head of me (literally, which at some point includes the crossing of ice cold water while carrying all the equipment), an endless amount of freezing nights in the woods, and endless waiting for it all to end.
You know something is wrong when you're counting the days you have left, not the ones that have passed. Well, not always. If we look forward to something, we tend to keep more track of the time. Take Christmas calendars for example.

However... I'm counting the days I have left until I get rid of something, which is completely different, and the agony seems to increase with every day tat passes :/

On the other hand, I'm getting more used to the conditions I'm living in, and since we're doing practically the same stuff day in and day out, the time seems to be running fast, though the days are slow. As there are not many specific occurances to remember, all days seem to blend in with each other as one long nightmare. It's a bit like the autopilot; you don't remember every single time you've walked to school; the way is almost always the same, and once you've walked it a hundred times, you can't tell the times apart. Even while you're walking you don't really pay attention to the road at all. Myabe you'll suddenly notice that you've walked for ten minutes, without ever realizing where the time went. That's because of the autopilot.
I really hope my autopilot will take over most of my long march for me...

Speaking of school... Ever had any one ask you: "How was your day in school?"
Well, you've most probably answered something along the lines of "good", or "just like all the other days in school; it's always a day in school". There's not always that much to separate the days...
Same goes for the army. When I get home for an occasional vacation, people tend to ask: "How was your week in the army?"

I get that people ask that; it's really just human psychology to do so, as you don't always have much else to say. Well, I can tell you that my replies are pretty boring too. "It was just like all the other weeks in the army, maybe a tad worse".
It's a bit tiring not having much else to talk abaout (or blog about, ofr that matter), than the army. Even when I'm home, people call me the soldier every now and then, and most everything seems to revolve around me being away doing service. Tiring indeed...
That's why I'm counting down the days, waiting for it all to end. I'm walking around pretty much in zombie-mode all the time at the moment, at least when I'm not home. There's not much in the very near future to look forward to, and you've got too much work to do to think about anything at all really. My memory has in several ways gotten worse, the latest 100 days or so, actually.

I'm waiting to return back to my life as it used to be, before I was drafted. I think I'll be able to return to pretty much the exact same place as before, both physically and mentally. I don't feel like I've developed that much in the army at all. We learn not many useful skills, I can assure you. Unless it's considered useful lying awake in a hole in the ground for several hours during the middle of the night, almost every night.


It'll be great to get back after it's all done, and I have a several months long vacation waiting for me too!!

Ayhow... I'll just have to push through the final bit now,
Wish me luck!
I'm sure that I'll need it.



Almost forgot!
Here's a piece I made sometime in 2012, although the recording is from tonight.
I'll post the Cover Art just for fun as well :)

That should be all for now. Let's see if I will have enough energy to return to this blog next month. My next blog should by all rights be the last blog I write while still in the army, so I sure look forward to writing it ;)


Have a good one, or two (or three) :p

Halfway There

Hello people!

I am happy to announce that I've now completed more than half of my service (exactly half, actually), which is a great milestone. There are still 82 days left however, and I suspect they will be full of experiences that'll break me...

I have no time to waste on writing blogs in the very limited spare days I get, but I wrote a poem about my experiences in the military that you can read if you so wish :/
It's more like lyrics actually, and I even wrote a melody for it. Naturally I, with my horrible singing, would never upload such a version, so you're stuck with the text. It's unusually good text for being written by me though ;)

The Kindergarten for Young Adults

First you come from a place
where you may keep your face
and your thoughts are your own
'cause you're not just a clone

Then it's taken from you
to be thrown in the loo
all you know starts anew
but you hope you'll pull through

While you gain many friends
you might just lose yourself
you're just one of the pack
as you walk the same track

Rarely is something so behind
it's as if everyone is blind
values are so different
while people are indifferent
They gather from all around
wherever from they might be found
they learn some useless discipline
and nothing's to be feminine

Everyting has to be the same
you're always the one to blame
wait to hurry and hurry to wait
there's punishment if you are late

We're all scared of the same foe
that's why we must play this show
no matter what is your role
with it you'll just have to roll

Though sometimes you may be broken
some people find weird pride in it
just to bear some meaningless token
miles you walk trying to keep up your spirit

Rarely is something so behind
it's as if everyone is blind
values are so different 
while people are indifferent
They gather from all around
wherever from they might be found
they learn some useless discipline
and nothing's to be feminine

Though some people sure are nice
it's hard to say if it's worth the price
freedom sure costs quite a lot
why give it up to stay and rot?

When you don't get any sleep,
barely anything to eat
you may almost feel like crying
although nobody is dying

They say that it is optional
no need to get emotional
you had your choice now stick with it
there's no real use, so why quit?

Rarely is something so behind
it's as if everyone is blind
values are so different
while people are indifferent
They gather from all around
wherever from they might be found
they learn some useless discipline
and nothing's to be feminine

It's a place that's full of fools
there are even more dumb rules
You wish you could just lie and wait
not have to bear so much weight

To survive is the main endeavour
luckily it's not forever
if you do your best and try
eventually you'll say "goodbye!"

Yet I can't wait for it all to be over
to be able to take a real shower
washing all that dirt away
never will I ever stay.




There's so much more I could write if I wanted to, but a song has to end somewhere, has it not?

That's all for now. If you'd wish to listen to music I've made, you should be able to find some here.
Like the very first composition I've ever made, for example :p



Have a good time, you few readers, as I'm sure I won't have one! :'D