Friday, April 1, 2016

The Puzzle Which Is Not a Game

The puzzle is an interesting one for sure. For the longest time, I was only vaguely aware of it, at best. It must’ve lied dormant somewhere within me, waiting for me to actually realize that it has always been there, waiting. I only saw hints of it, here and there. Yet, until a while ago, I didn’t even put two and two together, which is why I didn’t understand that it is all, somehow, connected. Then again, it would be difficult to know that the puzzle is there, before I was even given the parts I needed to solve it. And several, if not most of them, are still missing.

It’s quite a heavy task, trying to envision the size of the puzzle, too. I even think it might be expanding, as we go on. Especially if other people are solving it with me, whether they know about it or not. They bring parts of their own puzzles with them. But that’s alright. I don’t mind helping them with their puzzles. In the end, there are other puzzles that we are all trying to solve together. But what concerns me most, is my own puzzle. Because right now, I have a feeling that it’s a puzzle that I’ll keep on trying to solve, maybe for the rest of my life.

Do I have to solve it? Not really. But I don’t see the point of being given a puzzle that would be so fulfilling to solve - or at least I assume it would be -, and then just giving up without even trying. They say that the journey is the greatest reward anyway, don’t they?

Of course, it’s not a puzzle that just about anyone can see, as solving it only truly matters to me. Or well, I guess that isn’t entirely true, if at all. Though they may not know it, me solving the puzzle would of course impact other people too; some more than others. That is, after all, one of the reasons as to why the puzzle is there in the first place.

The problem is, the puzzle is a part of an even greater puzzle. One which ironically, can feel easier than all the separate parts. The larger the puzzle is, the more possible solutions there are. It’s not that my puzzle is small, or anything. There are several solutions to it as well. But that doesn’t make it easy. You know how it is often said that the end justifies the means? Sometimes, I suppose that may be right. However, when it comes to my puzzle, I think that it’s the other way around. The means justify the end. Which is why there is only really one general way to move forward in solving the puzzle. I really hope I am right. If I am not, I may never solve the puzzle. Then again, if I am wrong, the only solution worth having, was never there in the first place. Either way, I will do my best to solve the puzzle, no matter how difficult it gets, or how long it takes. As with everything, every attempt requires a sacrifice of one kind or another. But so does not doing anything, and I think that that, would be the greatest sacrifice of them all.

What’s that? You want me to quit my waffling, and tell you what my puzzle is? I’m sorry, but that would be pretty difficult! It is my puzzle, in the end. But if you’re really that curious, I can give you a visual.

Imagine a rock. It’s hard, and it is not easily breakable. But this rock is a bit different. In fact, I’m not even sure if it really exists. But more often than not, it may feel as if it does. And I think it’s the same for all of us. Something in our nature, makes us think that the rock is real, at least on some level. I’m sure there are people who are so convinced the rock exists that they’d bet everything they have on its existence. They trust the rock. And just as common, are the people who can feel the weight of this rock, and know in their hearts that it must exist, but they are not happy about it.

Before I can even dream of solving my puzzle, I want to know whether to believe in that rock or not. I think I have an answer. I do believe that it exists, but I strongly doubt that it’s a rock in the first place. There is only one world where I’d wish that it truly was a rock, and that is a world where the rock ensured the solution I want, for my puzzle. I don’t think that is very likely, at least not unless the rock has a will of its own. And even if the rock would exist, I think we all know that generally, rocks aren’t well known for their thinking abilities.

No. I don’t think it’s a rock. At most, it is a globe made out of ice, which people are only mistaking for a rock. It is still hard, and depending on a few factors, it might not break easily, or not at all. I have no illusions of crushing this globe of ice either -nor do I know if I’d want to. I’m hoping that the heat I’m generating from trying to solve my puzzle, will eventually melt this ice globe, into something that’s easier to shape. It’s still difficult to get the ice to look the way I want it to. Maybe it will show no signs of changing its shape at all. But I still, honestly, truly, want to try.

To be honest, I really don’t know if it’s possible to melt the ice, at least not the way I’m trying to solve the puzzle. I swear that sometimes I see it changing its shape, only for it to seemingly return to the way it was before. Still, I get my repose every time I see the small traces of my work, which are undoubtedly there, somewhere. So I keep on working, hoping that I’ll yet see the result of my effort. Not that the effort is not giving, in and of itself. But there is always a slight worry in the back of my mind. The thought that the puzzle is but an ironic display of my own foolishness. But that’s okay. I can enjoy laughing at my own endeavors, no matter how hopeless they may seem, or be. Who is to tell me that it was all for nothing, even if I never solve the puzzle? I’d still have all the experience that I gained on the road.

Wouldn’t it be tragically funny, if there never was a rock, nor a globe of ice, and the puzzle was still unsolvable? At least in the way I wanted it to. If there was no sort of solid structure in my way, but I would still be unable to work my way to a result? That scenario is not an impossibility. You see, in this world, there may be someone who is removing the pieces of the puzzle, just as I lay them out. They may not even know they’re doing it, but that doesn’t necessarily stop them. It’s also not impossible that they know very well that they are removing the pieces, and in fact, they may be removing pieces from other people’s puzzles too! That is, if there even is such a person. But even if there is one, I’m hoping that said person won’t hinder my efforts too much. That would be a shame.

For the sake of fairness, it should be mentioned that I am likely, ruining that person’s puzzle too. Even though there may be a lot of room for our puzzles, some of them will eventually cross paths, and one may have to make room for the other, for better or for worse. That raises an important question that’s left unanswered. Is it right of me, to build my puzzle? Even if it would cross someone else’s? Is one puzzle worth more than the other? I’ll leave you to ponder upon that. I think I have my own answer already, though I’m not sure what exactly to do with it. I still need more pieces for that.

Now I hope that I don’t come across as too selfish. I’m not quite that heartless. I wouldn’t say I’ve gotten to the point where I’m obsessed with the puzzle either. There are always other puzzles, in the greater puzzle, which can be solved. But this puzzle, is one of the ones that currently means the most to me. Don’t be mistaken. The puzzle, no matter how much it may seem like it, is not just a game. Many would tell you otherwise, and the thought has crossed my mind, even though it was immediately dismissed. It is not a game, partly because it is important to me. But more than anything, because it doesn’t only impact me.

In fact, though I didn’t mention it clearly until now, there is one prerequisite for the puzzle to be solved, in any way I’d want it to be. I cannot build it all alone. It’s not because there isn’t time to build it on my own. It’s just that I don’t have, nor will I ever have, all the pieces that are necessary. So in the end, while I will never abandon the puzzle, I can only hope that someone else is solving it on the other side, and that we’ll meet in the middle.

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